Back Story

Lily has endured a great deal of trauma and tragedy in her 37 years. Her childhood was ruled by her Father's sexual abuse and her Mother's narcissistic self-involvement. She escapes her family home for college but is hampered by the deep emotional wounds she carries as a result of her childhood. Flashbacks, emotional triggers and anxiety often pull her from the present moment back into the memories and emotions she tries to keep hidden from the rest of the world.


The concept behind the title is an important element of the book. The premise is that, like many people, Lily has a surface personna that she presents to the world. But underneath the surface is an undercurrent that carries her fears, anxieties, and traumatic memories that haunt her every moment. That undercurrent pulls her down, against her will, into flashbacks from her past when present day moments stress or trigger her.


Lily worked hard through her twenties and early thirties to gain a handle over her descent into the undercurrent. Her hard work garners her enough stability to get a Masters in Social Work. After running a successful private counseling practice for five years Lily meets Mike. He is a divorced father of two preteens. Lily is swept away by Mike's charm. When he takes a job in another state he convinces her to marry him and become a stay at home mom to her new stepchildren.


After their marriage and cross country move Mike becomes more and more withdrawn from their relationship and his relationship with his children. He involves himself almost exclusively with his professorship leaving Lily to single handedly parent her two stepchildren through their difficult pre-teen and teen years. Lily is challenged by this and finds the undercurrent calling to her with increasing frequency and intensity as her feelings of being betrayed and abandoned call them forth.


Five years after their marriage Lily gives birth to Teddy. Mike has no involvement in Teddy's upbringing, leaving it entirely in Lily's hands. Teddy is colicky as a baby and the stress and sleeplessness of raising a fussy baby plunge Lily in to postpartum depression. The undercurrent increases its visits into her life, pulling her down into her memories and emotional trauma more and more often. She struggles to singularly parent her two stepchildren and Teddy while dealing with the depression and visits to the undercurrent.


When Teddy is two years old the family rents a mountain cabin for a week. While playing outside with Lily and his half siblings Teddy runs out into the road. A car coming over a rise in the road fails to see him. Lily makes a desperate run to save her son. But he is struck and killed when she is still ten feet away.


Lily is consumed with the guilt of failing to save her son. She had promised him on the day of his birth that she would never fail him, not the way her parents failed her or in any other way. Mike also blames Lily for the death. He was inside the cabin grading essays and declares himself blameless.


Lily plummets even deeper into depression. The undercurrent is infused with a new energy, invigorated by the trauma of Teddy's death. It seizes her repeatedly, leaving her with little energy to cope with daily living. Mike refuses to support her getting any counseling to help with her grief, depression and PTSD.


Six months after Teddy's death Mike insists the family make their annual trek to Myrtle Beach for a family vacation. Lily refuses to go, which sparks a huge fight between them. Mike leaves with the two other children, stating that Lily has the week they are away to “pull herself together” or he will consider divorcing her.