The story begins on the night Lily decides to kill herself. Mike
and the two older children have been gone for a few days. She's alone
in the house, giving her the opportunity to commit suicide without
being interrupted or subjecting the children to encountering her
body. Lily washes down a bowl full of pills with a bottle of vodka,
losing consciousness on the living room sofa.
Lily's plan is interrupted by her next door neighbor who becomes
suspicious when she cannot reach Lily by phone. Using her spare key
she comes into the home and discovers Lily, calling 911.
Lily is taken to the hospital and resuscitated. She wakes to find
herself in the hospital and Mike looming over her bedside. He
launches into a verbal assault, scolding her for being weak and
cowardly. When he begins blaming her once again for Teddy's death
Lily tells him to leave. The shouting summons a nurse to the room.
Lily tells her that Mike needs to leave and she forbids him from
being allowed in her room in the future. Mike stomps out. The nurse
shames Lily for refusing to see her husband “when everyone calms
down and the two of you can fix these things”. Lily tells her to
leave as well.
Two days later Lily is transferred to the Psychiatric Ward. There
she meets a motley cast of characters in her fellow patients. It is
an environment where Lily finds an acceptance and camaraderie that
she's never experienced before. She shows them compassion and they,
in return, show her a way of life that embraces living with one's
flaws and misbehaving mind.
Lily is assigned a therapist, Sally, and a psychiatrist, Dr.
Ingalls. Sally is confined to a wheelchair due to her Multiple
Sclerosis and has an assistance dog named Siggy. Dr. Ingalls is an
ex-hippie non-conformist whose own wife is suffering from a profound
mental illness following the death of their two young children.
Sally and Dr. Ingalls show Lily, through their acceptance of her,
how to begin to accept and love herself. They help her find ways to
cope with the crushing guilt of Teddy's death as well as the trauma
of her childhood. Lily learns a new perspective from which to view
her past and the present.
Throughout the present tense telling of Lily's story intermittent
chapters describe her flashback visits into the undercurrent. In
these chapters, reader's experience Teddy's death and funeral, as
well as key memories from her childhood. Those flashbacks allow
readers to not only understand Lily's story but to understand the
significance of the present time lessons she learns from her
interactions with the characters in the psychiatric ward.
Lily is visited in the hospital by her stepson, Steven. Initially
quiet and unwilling to speak, he finally shares how heartbroken he is
that Lily was so willing to leave him through her suicide. They talk
for the first time about the losses in his life, including the
pivotal loss of his mother. The two realize they have much in common
in their fears of abandonment and loss. Although they have a cursory
discussion of Steven's feelings about his Father and the burden of
his approval, Steven is unwilling to be disloyal to the one parent he
has remaining in his life. But the two forge a fragile bond
independent of Mike's influence. For the first time Lily sees that
despite all of the stress and challenges, she has been a positive
force in both Steven and Tavey's lives.
Mike arrives at the hospital under the guise of agreeing to try
Marriage Counseling and, instead, serves Lily with divorce paperwork.
He loudly declares her a failure and a significant mistake in his
life. While Lily is immediately crushed and defeated, with the help
of Sally, Dr. Ingalls and her fellow patients she decides to use the
divorce as a transition into a new life free of the power of abuse.
After three weeks Lily is discharged into a day treatment program
where she will continue to work with Sally and Dr. Ingalls. She is
not yet completely steady on her feet or fearless in the face of her
past. But she is, for the first time in six months, feeling hopeful
about her future. She knows she won't ever be free of her visits to
the undercurrent. But she is confident she'll reach a point where she
will live, for the most part, above the undercurrent.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Back Story
Lily has endured a great deal of trauma and tragedy in her 37
years. Her childhood was ruled by her Father's sexual abuse and her
Mother's narcissistic self-involvement. She escapes her family home
for college but is hampered by the deep emotional wounds she carries
as a result of her childhood. Flashbacks, emotional triggers and
anxiety often pull her from the present moment back into the memories
and emotions she tries to keep hidden from the rest of the world.
The concept behind the title is an important element of the book. The premise is that, like many people, Lily has a surface personna that she presents to the world. But underneath the surface is an undercurrent that carries her fears, anxieties, and traumatic memories that haunt her every moment. That undercurrent pulls her down, against her will, into flashbacks from her past when present day moments stress or trigger her.
Lily worked hard through her twenties and early thirties to gain a handle over her descent into the undercurrent. Her hard work garners her enough stability to get a Masters in Social Work. After running a successful private counseling practice for five years Lily meets Mike. He is a divorced father of two preteens. Lily is swept away by Mike's charm. When he takes a job in another state he convinces her to marry him and become a stay at home mom to her new stepchildren.
After their marriage and cross country move Mike becomes more and more withdrawn from their relationship and his relationship with his children. He involves himself almost exclusively with his professorship leaving Lily to single handedly parent her two stepchildren through their difficult pre-teen and teen years. Lily is challenged by this and finds the undercurrent calling to her with increasing frequency and intensity as her feelings of being betrayed and abandoned call them forth.
Five years after their marriage Lily gives birth to Teddy. Mike has no involvement in Teddy's upbringing, leaving it entirely in Lily's hands. Teddy is colicky as a baby and the stress and sleeplessness of raising a fussy baby plunge Lily in to postpartum depression. The undercurrent increases its visits into her life, pulling her down into her memories and emotional trauma more and more often. She struggles to singularly parent her two stepchildren and Teddy while dealing with the depression and visits to the undercurrent.
When Teddy is two years old the family rents a mountain cabin for a week. While playing outside with Lily and his half siblings Teddy runs out into the road. A car coming over a rise in the road fails to see him. Lily makes a desperate run to save her son. But he is struck and killed when she is still ten feet away.
Lily is consumed with the guilt of failing to save her son. She had promised him on the day of his birth that she would never fail him, not the way her parents failed her or in any other way. Mike also blames Lily for the death. He was inside the cabin grading essays and declares himself blameless.
Lily plummets even deeper into depression. The undercurrent is infused with a new energy, invigorated by the trauma of Teddy's death. It seizes her repeatedly, leaving her with little energy to cope with daily living. Mike refuses to support her getting any counseling to help with her grief, depression and PTSD.
Six months after Teddy's death Mike insists the family make their annual trek to Myrtle Beach for a family vacation. Lily refuses to go, which sparks a huge fight between them. Mike leaves with the two other children, stating that Lily has the week they are away to “pull herself together” or he will consider divorcing her.
The concept behind the title is an important element of the book. The premise is that, like many people, Lily has a surface personna that she presents to the world. But underneath the surface is an undercurrent that carries her fears, anxieties, and traumatic memories that haunt her every moment. That undercurrent pulls her down, against her will, into flashbacks from her past when present day moments stress or trigger her.
Lily worked hard through her twenties and early thirties to gain a handle over her descent into the undercurrent. Her hard work garners her enough stability to get a Masters in Social Work. After running a successful private counseling practice for five years Lily meets Mike. He is a divorced father of two preteens. Lily is swept away by Mike's charm. When he takes a job in another state he convinces her to marry him and become a stay at home mom to her new stepchildren.
After their marriage and cross country move Mike becomes more and more withdrawn from their relationship and his relationship with his children. He involves himself almost exclusively with his professorship leaving Lily to single handedly parent her two stepchildren through their difficult pre-teen and teen years. Lily is challenged by this and finds the undercurrent calling to her with increasing frequency and intensity as her feelings of being betrayed and abandoned call them forth.
Five years after their marriage Lily gives birth to Teddy. Mike has no involvement in Teddy's upbringing, leaving it entirely in Lily's hands. Teddy is colicky as a baby and the stress and sleeplessness of raising a fussy baby plunge Lily in to postpartum depression. The undercurrent increases its visits into her life, pulling her down into her memories and emotional trauma more and more often. She struggles to singularly parent her two stepchildren and Teddy while dealing with the depression and visits to the undercurrent.
When Teddy is two years old the family rents a mountain cabin for a week. While playing outside with Lily and his half siblings Teddy runs out into the road. A car coming over a rise in the road fails to see him. Lily makes a desperate run to save her son. But he is struck and killed when she is still ten feet away.
Lily is consumed with the guilt of failing to save her son. She had promised him on the day of his birth that she would never fail him, not the way her parents failed her or in any other way. Mike also blames Lily for the death. He was inside the cabin grading essays and declares himself blameless.
Lily plummets even deeper into depression. The undercurrent is infused with a new energy, invigorated by the trauma of Teddy's death. It seizes her repeatedly, leaving her with little energy to cope with daily living. Mike refuses to support her getting any counseling to help with her grief, depression and PTSD.
Six months after Teddy's death Mike insists the family make their annual trek to Myrtle Beach for a family vacation. Lily refuses to go, which sparks a huge fight between them. Mike leaves with the two other children, stating that Lily has the week they are away to “pull herself together” or he will consider divorcing her.
Cast of Characters
Lily - Main Character
Late thirties, from lower class blue collar background, sexually abused by her father for a decade as a child, PTSD sufferer, college degree in Social Work, compliant and eager to please, “good girl”, married to Mike, stepmother to Steven and Octavia, mother to Teddy who was killed in a car accident six months prior to the beginning point of the story.
Mike - Lead Character
Early 50's, college professor, upper middle class white collar family background, married to Lily. Had two children, Steven and Octavia, with his first wife, Pamela. When the children were very young Pamela abandoned the family. The circumstances surrounding her disappearance are a taboo topic with Mike, his family and Pamela's family. The children don't even know what happened. Mike and Lily marry seven years prior to the start of the story.
Teddy – Supporting Character
The son of Lily and Mike. He dies in a car accident 6 months before the start of the story.
Steven – Supporting Character
The son of Mike and his first wife, Pamela. Stepson to Lily. Seventeen years old. Quiet, reserved and bears the weight of his father's expectations for a first born male.
Octavia – Supporting Character
The daughter of Mike and his first wife, Pamela. Stepdaughter to Lily. 15 years old. Coddled by her Father because Pamela's abandonment affected her deeply. A girl who wants Lily's love and acceptance on one hand, but fights against it on the other. She is afraid that accepting Lily will mean she is being disloyal to her mother and ruin any chances of her mother ever coming back.
Sally - Lead Character
Lily's therapist in the psychiatric ward where she is hospitalized after her suicide attempt. Also a survivor of childhood abuse. Married and has no children. Has Multiple Sclerosis and is wheelchair bound. She has an assistance dog, named Sigmund Freud and nicknamed Siggy.
Kevin – Main Character
A patient in the psychiatric ward with Lily. A recovering alcoholic who self-medicates his depression. About forty years old. Spent most of his life fighting his addiction and his depression. Wants and expects very little out of life. Cynical and pessimistic but also gentle and accepting toward Lily.
Elaine – Main Character
A fellow patient in the psychiatric ward with Lily. In her early sixties. Constantly crocheting. Maternal. Rather optimistic when it comes to other's lives but not when it comes to her own. Will not speak of why she's in the hospital, only states that she had a “nervous breakdown”.
Alex – Main Character
Fellow psychiatric patient with Lily. 19 years old. Been on the streets for years. Gay and prostitutes when he has no other source of survival. Hospitalized due to a suicide attempt. Angry and rebellious with the staff, very childlike with the other patients.
Sharon – Supporting Character
Fellow patient in the psychiatric ward. In her late 40's. An anorexic involuntarily committed on a 72 hour hold by her psychiatrist because he feels she is a threat to herself. Has a nasal feeding tube because she refuses to eat. Preparing for her court hearing and challenging a continued commitment.
Monty – Supporting Character
A young man in his early twenties who believes he is Mary Baker Eddy, the founder of the Church of Christ, Scientist. Delusional schizophrenic. Very harmless but also annoyingly adamant in his desire to share Mary's teachings with anyone available.
Bruce – Minor Character
Middle aged male hospitalized for severe manic episode. Very angry, with his anger hyperfocused on his wife who he believes has betrayed him with another man.
Captain – Minor Character
An elderly man hospitalized after the death of his wife whom he had been married to since his teens. Grief stricken, lost and suicidal. Refuses to wear anything but a hospital gown because he says his street clothes carry his wife's scent.
Mrs. Ross – Supporting Character
Recreational Therapist on the psychiatric ward. Cynical, jaded and condescending to the patients. More of a drill sergeant than a therapist.
Nurse Dash – Supporting Character
Nurse on the psychiatric ward. Middle aged. Motherly. Kind. Gentle.
Nurse Bastrom – Supporting Character
Psychiatric Ward's Nurse Manager. Gruff. No nonsense. But also fair and capable of the occasional compassionate action. Bullies the doctors who come onto the ward to treat patients.
Dr. Jack Mitchell - Supporting Character
The psychologist who leads the daily group therapy sessions. Mid 30's. Tall. Gawky. Goofy but hard not to like. Not very good at his job and sometimes the patients get the best of him in group.
Dr. Ingalls – Supporting Character
Lily's psychiatrist at the hospital. Short, portly, bearded gentleman who wears his long hair in a pony tail. Ex-hippie who never quite made it to the ex state. Perpetually clicking his pen. Has a wife who has been in a private psychiatric hospital for several decades suffering from a psychotic break that occurred when their two children were killed in a car accident while she was driving drunk.
Late thirties, from lower class blue collar background, sexually abused by her father for a decade as a child, PTSD sufferer, college degree in Social Work, compliant and eager to please, “good girl”, married to Mike, stepmother to Steven and Octavia, mother to Teddy who was killed in a car accident six months prior to the beginning point of the story.
Mike - Lead Character
Early 50's, college professor, upper middle class white collar family background, married to Lily. Had two children, Steven and Octavia, with his first wife, Pamela. When the children were very young Pamela abandoned the family. The circumstances surrounding her disappearance are a taboo topic with Mike, his family and Pamela's family. The children don't even know what happened. Mike and Lily marry seven years prior to the start of the story.
Teddy – Supporting Character
The son of Lily and Mike. He dies in a car accident 6 months before the start of the story.
Steven – Supporting Character
The son of Mike and his first wife, Pamela. Stepson to Lily. Seventeen years old. Quiet, reserved and bears the weight of his father's expectations for a first born male.
Octavia – Supporting Character
The daughter of Mike and his first wife, Pamela. Stepdaughter to Lily. 15 years old. Coddled by her Father because Pamela's abandonment affected her deeply. A girl who wants Lily's love and acceptance on one hand, but fights against it on the other. She is afraid that accepting Lily will mean she is being disloyal to her mother and ruin any chances of her mother ever coming back.
Sally - Lead Character
Lily's therapist in the psychiatric ward where she is hospitalized after her suicide attempt. Also a survivor of childhood abuse. Married and has no children. Has Multiple Sclerosis and is wheelchair bound. She has an assistance dog, named Sigmund Freud and nicknamed Siggy.
Kevin – Main Character
A patient in the psychiatric ward with Lily. A recovering alcoholic who self-medicates his depression. About forty years old. Spent most of his life fighting his addiction and his depression. Wants and expects very little out of life. Cynical and pessimistic but also gentle and accepting toward Lily.
Elaine – Main Character
A fellow patient in the psychiatric ward with Lily. In her early sixties. Constantly crocheting. Maternal. Rather optimistic when it comes to other's lives but not when it comes to her own. Will not speak of why she's in the hospital, only states that she had a “nervous breakdown”.
Alex – Main Character
Fellow psychiatric patient with Lily. 19 years old. Been on the streets for years. Gay and prostitutes when he has no other source of survival. Hospitalized due to a suicide attempt. Angry and rebellious with the staff, very childlike with the other patients.
Sharon – Supporting Character
Fellow patient in the psychiatric ward. In her late 40's. An anorexic involuntarily committed on a 72 hour hold by her psychiatrist because he feels she is a threat to herself. Has a nasal feeding tube because she refuses to eat. Preparing for her court hearing and challenging a continued commitment.
Monty – Supporting Character
A young man in his early twenties who believes he is Mary Baker Eddy, the founder of the Church of Christ, Scientist. Delusional schizophrenic. Very harmless but also annoyingly adamant in his desire to share Mary's teachings with anyone available.
Bruce – Minor Character
Middle aged male hospitalized for severe manic episode. Very angry, with his anger hyperfocused on his wife who he believes has betrayed him with another man.
Captain – Minor Character
An elderly man hospitalized after the death of his wife whom he had been married to since his teens. Grief stricken, lost and suicidal. Refuses to wear anything but a hospital gown because he says his street clothes carry his wife's scent.
Mrs. Ross – Supporting Character
Recreational Therapist on the psychiatric ward. Cynical, jaded and condescending to the patients. More of a drill sergeant than a therapist.
Nurse Dash – Supporting Character
Nurse on the psychiatric ward. Middle aged. Motherly. Kind. Gentle.
Nurse Bastrom – Supporting Character
Psychiatric Ward's Nurse Manager. Gruff. No nonsense. But also fair and capable of the occasional compassionate action. Bullies the doctors who come onto the ward to treat patients.
Dr. Jack Mitchell - Supporting Character
The psychologist who leads the daily group therapy sessions. Mid 30's. Tall. Gawky. Goofy but hard not to like. Not very good at his job and sometimes the patients get the best of him in group.
Dr. Ingalls – Supporting Character
Lily's psychiatrist at the hospital. Short, portly, bearded gentleman who wears his long hair in a pony tail. Ex-hippie who never quite made it to the ex state. Perpetually clicking his pen. Has a wife who has been in a private psychiatric hospital for several decades suffering from a psychotic break that occurred when their two children were killed in a car accident while she was driving drunk.
Welcome!
This blog was created to share elements from and news about my new novel, Above the Undercurrent, with my Beta readers. So if you're here and you're not one of them this blog may not make much sense to you.
You're welcome to read, if you like. Or join me at my primary blog: Resplendent by Design. Thanks!
You're welcome to read, if you like. Or join me at my primary blog: Resplendent by Design. Thanks!
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